Alone

"Can we taaaaaaalk for a minute? Girrrl I want to knoooow your naaaaame."
-Tevin Campbell

Ha ha. (nervous laughter because it's really not funny) The very next time I see/talk/text him, I'm going to tell him the truth. Lay it all on the line. Which is why he should try not to be alone. I need to tell him while he's alone, because people just complicate things, you know, too many cooks spoil the broth. Also, people are messy, and I don't want any proof that I did this. (although I won't deny it)

I plan to say:

My dad always told me to be straight up with guys, and I haven't been straight up with you at all, and just like he told me it would, it caused me problems. Look, I like you. I don't know why, well, yeah, I know why, but I mean I don't know how to get it to go away, and I know you probably already suspected it, seeing as I've done everything but throw myself across railroad tracks for you, which is totally shameful, and I don't think I've ever acted like this before, which is why I need to tell you this now. If I tell you this now, maybe I'll feel better about all of it, and I can stop being so retarded...either that or I'll be too shamed to ever speak to you again, but either way I need some peace. So there it is. I like you. Like and that's it, but that's something.

I have no idea what he'll say after that. I don't even know if he'll let me make it through my whole little monologue, but it's worth a try. Then, ironically enough, I'll be alone. Ha ha. (nervous laughter because it's really not funny)