You Can't Erase Ink

Once ink spills onto it's surface, paper skin, your heart, it's there forever. And ironically enough, I was told to never write anything down that you don't want someone to read - for that very reason. But what if I didn't write it? What if someone took a page out of my book of life, made their mark on it, then slipped it back inside the book? Well, they did.

I want to forget him. I want to erase him from my memory, erase him from my life, get that page back in my book. A lot of people can do it, too. They can erase a person from their lives and pretend like nothing ever happened with them. I, unfortunately, am not one of those people. So this entry is for him. Maybe if I put this ink here, it will come off of my mind and my heart.

Dear You,

Yes. I had, no have feelings for you. I couldn't say it before because I was scared, but now it doesn't even matter. If I was to be totally honest, I wish we could have a chance to be together. I wish we could cut the games and try this out. But games is all we know, you have tunnel vision, and I'm not anywhere in the tunnel. I don't know why I feel for you, I mean, I hardly know you, but what I do know fits. I would like to honestly get the chance to know you better. Even though I am attracted to you, I just want to be friends, because friends is safe. It's not messy, it's not too unpredictable, it's just right. There's a lot about me I wish you knew. And I hate to sound desperate (which I'm probably doing right now) but these feelings won't go away, and so I have to put them here. Inevitably, when I move on from you, you will see how beautiful I am, you will see what it meant for me to feel for you, but that time is not now. I am hoping to become ice cold like you. I want to be cooler than cool, and I want the cool back that you stole from me. These feelings may never go away, but at least if I freeze them, they'll stop bothering me. I'll see you soon, and I'll act indifferent like I always do, and we'll go on like we've been doing. I did that before, and it didn't work out too well, so I feel like I want to seize the moment with you, only you and I don't have the same mindframe. Sad, but true...I still feel for you. So I'm putting this pen to paper, rather these keys to the page, hoping and praying that these feelings will goaway.

Love,
Me