"I know she was attractive, but I was here first."
You are a beautiful man, and I don't just mean looks. Does she know that? Does she appreciate all that you are? I'm scared, because my feelings for you are weighing heavily on my morals. I refuse to be a homewrecker, but I cannot refuse the way I feel for you. And the fact that you reciprocated those feelings, small in gesture, but a gesture nonetheless. When I saw you, did you say "Exactly"? I really need to know because I've convinced myself that the reason you're being so weird around me is that you like me too much, and being around me might jeopardize your current situation. Isn't that what you called it? A situation? Damn, here we go again. Will the next couple of months of my blog be about you? Do you know I can't sleep right now because this was on my chest?
By the way, {DD} has over 80 posts and 300 visitors. Yay!
But in the coming month, I'll see you a lot. I'll see you more than I need to probably. Can we talk for a minute? Not in or after the club, but just somewhere quiet? I'd tell you that I don't want to put your relationship in danger (assuming that I could - I probably can't) and that you don't have to worry about that, but I wish you wouldn't be weird around me. We actually started off as acquaintances before all this, and I'd like to keep it that way. This is what I'd tell you. My mind would tell my lips to formulate the words. My heart would probably be looking at your lips, thinking about taking you to my place of comfort so that we could get comfortable together. And we could, I would choose you, but your situation is not ideal. For me anyway.
You'd be perfect too. And I can actually imagine what it would be like. That's not something I can do often. I want to tell you to keep my number in case your situation changes, but that would mean I'm waiting on it to change, or pressuring you to change it, and I'm not doing either of those. You are the first person that makes me say that cliche phrase, 'I want to be around you in any capacity I can'. And I really feel like that. Friends, more, not...I want to be around you. You're a beautiful man.
I just hope she sees what I do.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Freeflow 7
Would you believe I tried to write Freeflow 6 twice and my computer shut off both times? Then I thought maybe 6 wasn't a good number, so I wrote it as Freeflow 7. Still shut off. And I wrote some good stuff too. Some out of passion, keys banging, feelings pouring onto the page kind of stuff. And always, I would make it to the very end before the computer would turn off. Why is that?
And furthermore, if you like a girl, why would you spend years with her, seeing her in school everyday and not tell her? And why am I so mean to this one guy named Will? I can't seem to be nice to him. I call him names, insult him, just not nice...but I don't like him. He's kinda cute and all, he's just not my type. And the way some guys act sometimes, you might get hints that they like you, but as soon as you think you're onto something, they're back to being platonic.
In addition to that, I think sex should be fun. It shouldn't be all uptight and sexy. People who try to make it sexy are trying to hard to set one certain mood. You should laugh, cry if it's just that good, be sexy (but not to the point of ultimate seriousness), and you should be adventurous. Really adventurous. And you should talk, not too much, but enough to let your partner know what you like and don't like because trying to go off intuition and reactions is stupid sometimes.
And why aren't some people a couple years older or younger? Because if they were they would be perfect. And why do some people find love outside of their race? or inside their gender? or why are they looking for it across the way when it's right nextdoor?
And I really hope I don't rush into love too soon because I'm so anxious. They say be careful what you ask for, and I'm not asking for anything that's not in God's plan. And I wonder if I would write more things or different things if the handful of people who knew about this blog didn't know about it?
I sure hope this one posts.
And furthermore, if you like a girl, why would you spend years with her, seeing her in school everyday and not tell her? And why am I so mean to this one guy named Will? I can't seem to be nice to him. I call him names, insult him, just not nice...but I don't like him. He's kinda cute and all, he's just not my type. And the way some guys act sometimes, you might get hints that they like you, but as soon as you think you're onto something, they're back to being platonic.
In addition to that, I think sex should be fun. It shouldn't be all uptight and sexy. People who try to make it sexy are trying to hard to set one certain mood. You should laugh, cry if it's just that good, be sexy (but not to the point of ultimate seriousness), and you should be adventurous. Really adventurous. And you should talk, not too much, but enough to let your partner know what you like and don't like because trying to go off intuition and reactions is stupid sometimes.
And why aren't some people a couple years older or younger? Because if they were they would be perfect. And why do some people find love outside of their race? or inside their gender? or why are they looking for it across the way when it's right nextdoor?
And I really hope I don't rush into love too soon because I'm so anxious. They say be careful what you ask for, and I'm not asking for anything that's not in God's plan. And I wonder if I would write more things or different things if the handful of people who knew about this blog didn't know about it?
I sure hope this one posts.
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