Frenzy!

So, I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday. I know I've been gone for a minute, but I haven't forgotten about my loyal readers. I posted several new items, mostly about random subjects, and I hope you enjoy. More coming soon!

A Friend Like Fawkes

There are some people in this world that will never put full effort into what they do. Some of them are not motivated, some of them are lazy, and others are so talented that if they focused hard enough on a task, it would probably blow-up. I happen to know one such person. She has got to be one of the wisest, funniest, and wonderfully crazy people I know. She understands me, and I her. She brings excellence to everything she does, but I have never really seen her put her all into something, except maybe a couple of drawings I’ve seen her do. I think people like this girl are like phoenixes – rare, talented, useful, and someone you want to have around just for the sheer amazement that they bring. I think she is beautiful, and when I find myself in the dungeon, having been wounded by whatever serpent has decided to rush me at the time, she will always come and lift me up, up, and away. Recently, she saved me from danger like I’ve never experienced before. I was heavy, had been for a long time, but I didn’t want to burden anyone with my cares. With her, I didn’t have to worry about that. Like a real phoenix, my weight is nothing for her, and although she doesn’t cry tears, her words are just as healing. She allows me to be mean, nice, crazy, whatever, whenever. Like I said, I have never seen her put full effort into anything, but being a friend is a task that requires no effort for her. She’s a natural at it. She’s my best friend and I love her.

No homo.

Daddy’s Girl

I love my got damn daddy. Yes, I am definitely a daddy’s girl. And not in the sense that he will give me his credit card for senseless purchases and scare my boyfriends, but in the sense that me and that man will ride or die, because we share more than just a last name. As a disclaimer, let me say that I am not downplaying the fact that I love my mother just as equally, but there’s something that me and my daddy have that I wish all girls could have…I think it would make the world a better place. Hell, it might even repair the Black family structure, lol. But a father’s love is something that you can’t explain. It’s a feeling, a lesson, and an adventure all rolled into one, and I love it! Not that I would ever tell anyone, but I’m a daddy’s girl.

Planters Anyone?

We sat awkwardly in silence, less than five feet from each other. I wished I had a bag of peanuts to feed the elephant in the room. We had grown apart. I wasn’t the same person, and who I was didn’t fit with us anymore. I was sad, because I didn’t notice it happen. It wasn’t all at once, it was a gradual progression over time, and us being apart made that progression even harder to notice. But now, here we were, both looking anywhere but in each other’s eyes. I hadn’t changed on purpose, it just happened from circumstance, and I wondered why the person I was now couldn’t fit with us. A funny thought popped into my head. We had outgrown each other, like children outgrow clothes. But no one is meant to wear the same clothes forever, but these weren’t clothes. They were people. What do you do when you outgrow people? And me, I seem to grow like a weed, so what do I do about it? I think I grow because I’m giant. More giant than most people can handle, so when I get bigger, they tend to get smaller. They get smaller, then they try to look down on me. But how do you look down on a giant? And what if we’re both giants, but we just don’t fit anymore? That’s what was happening here. We were both giants, so neither one of us could look down on the other, but we just didn’t fit anymore. I hoped one day we would grow some more and fit again, but for now, all I could do was sit in silence and wish for a bag of peanuts.

Tortured by Technology

Technology is a motherfucker, ain’t it? Especially for nostalgic-ass females, like me and several others, who also overthink everything that happens between themselves and the male species. See, with this technology shit, you can save text messages, review conversations, go back over them and put emphasis on different things, basically torture yourself. And if that wasn’t enough, you can stalk a niggas Facebook and MySpace page and get mad at every other female he interacts with, as if he belongs to you, you can criticize his girlfriend, and see how much fun he is having without you. You can be his own little RoboCop and he never has to know, all the while you are pouring salt into the wound that Cupid gave you. And I even remember back in the day when you could get a schedule from the attendance office in school and magically run into your beau in the hallways. Sound crazy? I know. I’m actually really laughing as I write this, but the girls who are reading this definitely did it, or at least aided and abetted a friend in doing it. All of us have a little stalker somewhere in us, you just need the right person to make it come out. But back to the point – technology can torture you. If you don’t think so, look at your text messages right now, or watch where you navigate to next time you’re on a social network. Bet five dollars you end up laughing at yourself.

Must be 18 to ride this ride

Do you know why adults can’t go back to childhood? I’ll tell you why – it’s because they would take all their adult knowledge with them, and they wouldn’t fit into the child stage of life. When you are at a certain stage in life, everything fits – in elementary, you’re learning, expending energy at recess, eating properly at lunch so you can grow. In college, you have classes, but you have a lot of free time to learn to discipline yourself, with which you’ll ultimately be drunk most of the time and learn your lessons the hard way. As an elder, you have wisdom from all your previous years, but most likely you will tell younger people in a roundabout way what they should be doing because you’re also wise enough to know that no matter what you tell them, they have to experience certain things for themselves to be able to understand them.

Although all this is true, and adults can’t go back to being children, they can always take the spirit of a child with them. They can learn, and grow, and even grow-up, but they can be childlike at anytime they choose. Most often it pops out in the rarest of moments, and usually one person unleashing their inner child will allow others to do the same. You can see it in the way adults interact and joke with each other, and even in the petty ways they hold grudges and compete with each other.

Me, I’ll never fully grow up, and I like it that way. I’ve been an adult for most of my life, so when I get the chance to be a kid, I seize it, no questions asked. I’ve had to grow up in ways that other children haven’t had to, and I’m not bitter about that at all, but don’t judge me when you see my younger version. When you look at me, you see a young adult, driven and purposeful, trying to make something out of herself, take care of her family, please her friends. However, if you look a little closer, the glimmer in my eye reveals the sunshine on the playground, the night light by which I read many chapter books, the smile of the first boy I ever had a crush on. The young me keeps the older me from losing sight of the joys sometimes. She keeps me innocent and fun-loving. It is that glimmer that fights off the shadows of the adult world.

M.I.A. = Missing Invokes Anger

Missing people is a funny thing. A lot of people get sad about missing someone that they care for, but most of the people that I know get mad. I mean really outraged. And what’s so crazy about it is that they can justify their feelings and actions. One friend of mine spewed profanity that I had never heard matched together before when his granny got sick, and he wasn’t cursing about her, he was cursing at her! My own family has been missing me because we are not as close as we used to be, so instead if getting all mushy and telling me they miss me, they find ways to fight with me. I recently visited them, and they were so angry that I hadn’t been home sooner that they took to ignoring me. Nuts. When I told them I was leaving the next day, they immediately fussed at me! So now I was confused. They wanted me there, but they wanted to be mad at me, but they didn’t want me to leave…nuts. Missing people is a funny thing, I tell you.

I miss one of my very best friends who is not with me anymore. I find myself scribbling his name on scraps of paper at the most random times. Certain things that happen, certain smells, certain places, remind me of him. I’m truly pissed at him too. I don’t understand why he’s not here with me. I can’t process it in my brain…he was always there, and then he wasn’t. True, we took each other for granted, and if he was here right now, we’d probably still be having a contest to see who would call first (he always won), but now that he’s not here…I don’t know. And yes, I’m mad at him. It’s his fault. Totally. Damnit, I know he couldn’t control what happened to him, and no one chooses not to be here anymore, but he’s gone, and I don’t have anyone else to blame. I miss him.

And one of the worst ways to miss people is when they’re within your reach. Seeing someone go on without you when they were always with you before should be considered cruel and unusual punishment. And usually you don’t get an explanation as to why things change, they just do. And it sucks, and you question yourself, and you question your past, and ultimately you end up mad at that person. Denise and Robert were always together. Now you never see them in the same place at the same time, and if you do, Denise is being so mean and inconsistent that it confuses Robert, almost scares him. But she misses him, and she doesn’t know how else to react. Missing people is a curious feeling, especially when they’re right in front of you.

Missing people altogether is a funny thing.