Honesty Box

My first thoughts would be to back you into the darkest corner of the room, my hand gently pressed against your abdomen, leading you to what will soon become bliss. I would firmly press my body against yours, rippling muscles matched to soft curves, skin to skin, separated by only a thin layer of clothing. Then, I would put my hands on your hips, and slide my soft hands under your polo shirt. I’d glide them up the sides of your body, removing your shirt - the last obstacle between me and your beautiful brown skin. I would use my fingertips, and with the lightest touch, trace your finely chiseled chest, and bodies only inches apart, breathing rapidly in anticipation. I’d put my arms around you, pull you into me, and search your strong back with those same fingertips, and when my palm found the back of your neck, I’d pull your handsome face close to mine, eyes closed as if in a dream, and I’d let you enjoy the softness of my lips, gentle at first, but becoming fierce, as your tongue searches for it’s soulmate between my lips. And before we finished this dance of oral rhythm, I’d stop slowly, and allow my supple lips to brush across the side of your face, easing down to this spot on your neck that’s been haunting me for weeks. Not marked by x, I would suck gently, then firmly, then forcefully, leaving my own mark there, then tracing it in repetition with my tongue, as you moan with pleasure. It’s not odd for me to hear a man moan, it’s a reward, and I expect to grant you the same as you realize that I’ve taken control, and decide to turn the tables. A small giggle escapes me, nefarious in tone, when your strong, brown hands grab me by my thighs and hoist me up to your nature. I love the feel of your firmness, and I wrap my hands and arms tighter around your neck, both to steady myself and to be as close to you as humanly possible. We rumble. Forceful kisses, your grip of my thighs strengthens, I refuse to let you go. Still no x, you find the spot on my neck that makes me emit more than a small gasp. I push you against the wall, the pleasure too much for me, I grab at the wall with the palm of my hand flat, my fingers slowly drawing into each other while you make me understand who’s really in charge. But it’s not a struggle of power, it’s an expression of passion. It’s vast unseen cosmos and beautiful, untouched earth, it’s euphoria and comfort, strength and sensuality. It’s our first kiss.

Ok, now that you've read it...let me explain it. It's me in rare form, thinking about every detail of a beautiful moment. The gift and curse of being a writer, and like me, long-winded. Wrote this quite awhile ago, recently found it, so I thought I'd share. Don't judge me bro, lol.

Obsessed

"I'm trying to forget that I'm addicted to you...but I want it, and I need it, I'm addicted to you!"

Okay, so I have completely solidified my theory that you have to have a new obsession in order to get over a current/old one. Case in point - me. I forgot all the names I assigned to people on here, and I'm too lazy to go look, so...I had this guy in my head, almost in my heart, couldn't stop thinking about him. We ended up miles apart, worlds apart, but I couldn't get him out of my head, like the songs, for real! I knew there was no future there, but the thoughts wouldn't stop flowing. I recently started dating (I guess) someone closer to me, someone with whom a future is still not possible (by my prediciton) but being around someone else, makes me forget about guy #1. Now I can't lie, I still think about him sometimes, but it doesn't seem as crucial.

It is such a for lack of a better word, bad feeling to want something you can't have. Inaccessibility leads to infatuation, which leads all kinds of ways. But this new guy...

I don't see it happening. I mean, I'm honest here, so don't be surprised at my picky-ness. He has a kid, and not everybody with a kid is a drawback, but I'd really rather he didn't. Not to mention a kid means a baby mama. Not for me. He seems cool, he's like level 7.5 out of 10 cute (former guy was level 8) he likes to laugh. But he's particular about his things, which is ok, but some people are like anal about their stuff - *twisted face* get over it. I don't want people messing up my stuff either, but there's a point where that just become ridiculous. But he was so sweet, very gentleman-like too. He thought some stuff was funny that I didn't, which is always slightly awkward, but all in all, I'd give our first date a 6.

Here's the thing tho - I'm not obsessed with him. Which is a good thing. It makes any other infatuation I have a lot less important, but at the same time, I'm not wrapped up in him now. He actually surprised me, because he thinks I'm beautiful, *sexy*, yes, I just said sexy, and from one date he deduced that I have a good heart, lol. Know I know some of that is game, yes, it sure is, but even so, it feels wonderful to have someone notice. I'm being careful not to create a fantasy out of it, but still, it's nice. I've never been noticed like this before. Oh yeah, it seems from this blog that I have a lot of action, but I really don't. No relationships. Ever. 3 guys I had a crush on or interest in the last 8 or 9 years, and maybe a few I shamelessly flirt with. 1 guy who returned the interest, and by golly, I didn't even notice!!

Basically, I'm gonna have to brush up, no, LEARN how to do this. How to date, how to know that someone besides me thinks I'm sexy, yes, I said sexy again, the game of relationships if I ever get in one, and how to enjoy the single life. Even sexual issues, gotta make sure all that is right. Theory is one thing, practice is another.

But I know one thing, if I was Beyonce, I still would've stomped that girl with my stiletto. Just sayin'.