Exhale

Life comes at you so fast sometimes! Things can go from being really good to really bad in a matter of minutes, one phone call, one conversation, etc. This goes vice versa too, but in this case, for this post, things went from good to bad for me. I can't complain too much, because things could have always been worse, but compared to what they were, things took a sideways turn this weekend.

I try not to stay focused on the bad, which is one reason I write. It helps me to release these feelings, leave them on the page and walk away, or just lessen them. My best friend feels like everything we do has consequences, I mean everything. Like some story she told me, can't remember if it was a comedian who said it, that he stole a pack of cookies then was locked out of his house so ended up paying a locksmith $45, so it was like $45 for a pack of cookies. Sometimes I wonder if it's really like that, because I can think of something that I might be being punished for in conjunction with the turn of events this weekend, but I would seriously hope that was not the case.

Now I have to go and clean up the mess. I have to deal with the consequences of everything that has happened, but I can't stop moving, I have to keep going, keep pushing forward. Speaking of which, the guy I met, the one that I don't fully like...he wanted to go out tonight, and I would have, but I just really wasn't in the mood after all this. I felt kind of bad, but I knew if I went, I was just gonna transfer my negative energy to him, and if he tried to cheer me up and make me laugh (like he suggested he would) unless it was really funny, he was just going to annoy me, and it wouldn't really be his fault, so I chose to stay home. He pressed the issue a bit, but eventually he just told me he hoped everything would turn out ok. Whew! That was like a breath of fresh air, like he was giving me a little space to get it together, and it felt great! I don't know whether or not he was cussing me out in his head, or whether he has x'd me off the list or what, but I'm sorry that it just so happens all of this is happening after I met him, and I'm happy that he let me have some space.

This has just been one of those times that I need to exhale. Not like everything is finally right so I cam breathe exhale, or I finally found the man of my dreams exhale, but like, this part is over exhale, and I realize that this may be the calm before the storm, so I will exhale, take a moment, before I draw in this deep breath and prepare my war cry (lol). It's just an exhale kind of moment.