Time

I really couldn't think of an excellent title for this post. Time...says it all. I expressed before that time likes to play with me, and on yet another sleepless night, I find time to write this post.

Time has control of my mind. I'm getting a college degree. It is time to start life. But, being the over-zealous planner that I am, I have no plan for this, and it's throwing me off. Time is passing me by, and for once in my busy, to-do list filled life, I'm standing still. Am I being prepared for a particular moment that will shape my future? Am I letting life pass me by? Questions, as always, lol.

And in another capacity, time has control of my heart. I really wish I had known a long time ago that you were suffering just like I have before. I would've understood so much more, I could've helped, I could've been there for you, something. I probably would ratify some writings, because I didn't find out in time. I hope that in time, you will remember me as being beautiful, and not anything else. (blushes)

And a long time ago, a little over a year to be exact, I wish I had known you. I would've made you mine. I know it. There's no reason for me not to. I wish I had gotten there first, so now, we wouldn't have to steal time. And I wish I would've known that we didn't have much time. I would've given you more, given you my best, given you all of me, but alas, our time is up. And in time, we may cross paths again, but for now we have time to be just friends. I question myself time and time again...

I WANT TO LIVE EVERYDAY AS IF IT WERE MY LAST. More and more, I'm learning that that really is the way to live. And financially, and in some other instances, that wouldn't work at all, but I'm talking about time here. I don't want to hesitate about life, and love and living, because tomorrow, I may not be here. But am I bold enought to live this way when no one else is? Am I ready and willing to take a chance and be the odd man out forever? I really want to say yes, but this is one of those things that's easier said than done. Maybe, just maybe, I'll try it. But then, I know, time will find another way to manipulate me.

If time has my mind, and time has my heart, I need to find a way to have time so that I can have me. It only makes sense.

Notice!

I want to write, but I can't.

Thank you for noticing this new notice. Your noticing it has been noticed.

Music

I think if my iPod were a man, he'd be a great lover. No, really. He'd always know what I want, give it to me on demand, needs a recharge every now and then, but other than that, he'd be okay, and he would be right beside me every night. Cool, huh?

So, I'm in a romantic kind of mood. Can't do much about it, because I'm single, but I'm feeling lovey-dovey. It's ok, my chromatic is caressing my eardrums with the sweet, sultry sounds of R&B, so maybe I'll drift off to sleep to meet my dream man. :-)

Let Go

And so it is the title of a very good song by Avril Lavigne, and the title of this post. But what else is it? I think 'Let Go' is the theme of the next month for me. There are things that I must let go, so let's take a look.

1. I must let go of all hatred in my heart. Not that I'm harboring 'hatred' per se, but in the past months I have been wronged and disrespected several times by people that I liked and trusted at one point. Now, I'm just disappointed that things turned out the way they did. But all my pent up emotions, I have to LET THEM GO. It's not going to help me at all to have a grudge against anyone, it certainly won't improve my chances of getting into heaven, and keeping stuff in now just makes for a big outburst later. I have to let it go.

2. I have to let go of this stage in my life. It's time to move on. And the more I get fed up with my current situation, the more I'm ready to move on, but then something good will happen and I'll find myslef clinging to a shred of nostalgia instead of moving forward. This chapter is over. The last pages are being written as we speak, so I have to let it go.

3. And finally, but certainly not least, I have to release you. We stole a couple of hours from cupid, from daybreak, and from each other, but what we had is gone, and it's time to let it go. I saw her today, and she's yours. That's all I'll say -- I don't want to slander her in any way, because it's useless. And she has everything she needs, she's got you. So it's time to let you go. I may never understand why, maybe I'm not meant to have an explanation, but I'm meant to let you go.

So, it begins. I have to let these things fly freely. I have to step outside of my comfort zone, leave behind some of my insecurities, release some of my fondest memories to make new ones. I enjoyed these times, but they are the past. And if it's time to let these go, then it's time to grab ahold to something new.

God don't make mistakes, must be something bigger waiting.