Because I Have Something to Say

(Mase voice) "Welcome back, welcome back, Welcome baaaack!"

But unlike Mase, I plan on staying back. I told you guys I would have trouble writing in a diary. I only write because I have something to say, like tonight. Again, it's late, and again, my mind is wandering, that's just my M.O. ! Life is a wonderful adventure, and love is an ironic little sucker, and I'll tell you why.

I just realized that I MISSED ALL THE SIGNS!!! I mean, ALL the signs that this very beautiful man was throwing at me. I had my chance and failed miserably. But, it would happen this way, me doubting myself, not understanding his advances, intiating my own action, action, then nothing. Now I don't even have his phone number anymore. I'm such a crash test dummy sometimes.

It's really funny when you start realizing, really, how to play the love game. Like, honestly, I have a few guys that have expressed interest, but none that are anywhere near me. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so I don't confirm, but I don't deny either. It really is harder than I thought to just say "I'm not interested." As I've said, I wish we didn't have to play games, but since the world doesn't work like that, I'm playing to win. I know, I know sounds petty and shallow and stupid, but that's the world we live in, folks. So now I'm starting all over again, in new territory, and I've been pretty lax so far, but soon, it'll be time to put my game face on. And at the same time, I'm not loooking for love, I'm patiently waiting for it to come to me. Confusing right? Yeah, I think so too. I just want this winter to be a little warmer than every other winter in my poor little life.

Not to mention, one of my close friends told me I'm hitting puberty. Oh joy!! No, seriously. I'm way past that stage, but my body is acting all weird-ish and changey. I'm not sure I want it to keep going, but I'm not sure I want it to stop. Yeah, that part's confusing too.

And why don't I have a model sexy face? I just haven't mastered that yet. The smizing and all that either. I just plain old smile. I like to. But when you're playing the game, you gotta have a sexy face, so I guess I'll keep working on it.

Man, it feels great to be writing again.