Circles

I sat down in the loveseat,
And it hurt my brain to think,
So I began to rub my temples
In a smooth, circular motion
Fingertips pressed together
Applying the necessary pressure
In a smooth circular motion
The same motion that I seem to be caught up in with you
Squeezed together your fingertips
Going round and round and round
Caressing the small of my back
While your tongue searches for it’s soulmate between my lips
Going round and round and round
Thoughts swirling in my head
In a smooth circular motion
Like how you left me hanging, and I felt abandoned
Then you called one day, just for rambling
And I was cold until I heard the dial tone
And I left you hangin, feeling alone
And the saga continued
In a smooth circular motion
I am sitting in a loveseat, I thought
But I might not be in love
Can I still sit here, if I’m not, but I was?
And why am I having these uselessly profound thoughts
When I don’t even smoke that green?
Why does this rubbing on my temples
Feel so peaceful and serene?
Because it’s in a smooth, circular motion
Like the relationship we have
Back and forth, and around, and around, and around
Like the waves we make on the dance floor,
When everyone else disappears
Like our voices taking turns yelling
Loud enough for the neighbors to hear
Like the endless curls in my hair
That I spent an hour on to look good for you
Like rims on a new car,
Shiny and new
Going round and around and around
In a smooth circular motion
Like the sun and the moon, switching positions
Like planets in orbit, and the earth just spinning
360 degrees of repetition
Sometimes it’s fun, at other times tedious
Sometimes profound and other times meaningless
But as it keeps going, and has no end,
If we are enemies, we’ll soon make it around to being friends
and then I think, I had an epiphany:
I’m glad that your circle is completed by me
And my headache feels better
But as I sit in the loveseat
I continue to rub my temples
Because it just feels good to me
In a smooth, circular motion.

Vive La Resistance! 2

This weekend was a blast!! Me and the girls (and Jose) had sooooo much fun. That being said, I saw him, and I did something crazy and stupid. I had been working, and succeeding at not contacting him, and last night months of work came crashing down...not to mention, the "L" word was used in a way that it probably, definitely shouldn't have been. No, oh no, I know what you're thinking, but I didn't tell him I loved him, nooooo. I just simply expressed that I didn't love him anymore. Dumb. Profoundly dumb. But, it wasn't just me talking, it was me and the liquor. And anyone who says a drunk mind speaks sober thoughts is just trying to blame it on the alcohol.

To make matters worse, I poured salt into the wound by texting him later the next day. He didn't answer. And now, when I could have handled everything completely different, I lost my composure, sent mixed signals, ruined all my ignoring him, and my feelings are still there, in the middle of the artic with a bikini on, cold and lonely. But in a way, that's what I get. I know how to handle this man, but I just keep making myslef vulnerable. And part of me doesn't even believe that. But the other part of me knows that as a woman, I have the power and the smarts to strategically handle this situation. But that's just it. I don't want to handle him. I don't want to play games, but everytime I get the courage to be honest, to quit being so dumb, I like to Mike Jordan him, and get right back in the game.

I feel like Carrie and Mr. Big, and that's a funny, scary, has-too-many-implications-to-analyze-right-now-thought.

Damn.