Oh come on. You saw this coming. Unless this is your first visit (which I doubt) You had to. Valentine's Day is fucking me up already. Who came up with this wack ass holiday that I wouldn't think was wack if I had a real reason to celebrate it? Well instead, I'm celebrating an anniversary of being alone, of having the same sad feeling year after year because God is still preparing him for me. And that thought comforts me, it does, and I know once you mention God there should be no buts, but I just feel lonely. And confused. And I need to stay off of all social networking sites or keep that shit to a minimum because I will go emo in febraury, then turn into the angry lonely woman, then the I don't want to have 37 cats woman. Yeah, it's not such a pretty sight. I wanna write, I think I'll have fuel to write, but sometimes the emotions are so jumbled, it's hard to finish a single track thought, let alone some literature.
The only good thing about V-Day is that every year, I take this time to dive back into The Love Below. I absolutely adore Andre 3000, and this CD speaks to me like nothing else does. So, I suppose, if there is no tangible lover that belongs to me, then I will pretend that The Love Below was written with me in mind. Pitiful, I know, but I gotta do something before I spontaneously combust.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Nuppy Hap Year!
It's 2010!! Woo-hoo!! Yeah, so what it's 15 days into the new year?! I haven't written since last year technically, so I'm celebrating!
Ok. That's enough yelling for now. You people know the drill. I can't sleep, and I got things on my mind, so I come here. These slow jams are DEFINITELY NOT HELPING either, but I don't wanna listen to anything else. So updates...the most recent guy I talked about? The one who was kinda being needy? Dropped him. Hate to be so brutal, but it's true, and you know what? He was probably worse for the wear, but afterwards, I felt much better about it, so I know it was the right thing to do. I don't know if I ever said this, but me and my dad are really close, and we talk shop about everything. He told me once to never lead a guy on, always, always be straightforward, and that stuck with me. I think it's one of those things that I'll never forget actually. See the thing is, I think guys have a much faster rebound rate than girls if you're not that deep into it yet. Not to mention, I did both of us a favor. If we're not equally or close to equally enamored with each other, then there's no point in playing games. Now he's free to find a woman who loves everything about him, and I don't feel guilty because it's not me.
This is going to sound completely out of place and insensitive after the previous paragraph, but lately I've really been feeling like I have feminine wiles, a certain power or something. To know that guys actually notice me, consider me sexy, want some kind of contact (friendship, relationship, just sex) just floors me! I have never been the "it" girl. I was always too skinny, too young, too something, but never enough. I don't know whether I had to move to a place where the mindset was different, or if this is just a part of growing up, but I'm dealing with it as it comes. I know there's a good and bad to everything, and I was always a bit jealous of the "Sexy" girls, but I felt for them too, because sometimes you don't want attention, you just want to be. I get that part too. All in all though, it mostly feels good to know that I'm growing up, and to know that unlike I thought, I won't end up with a bunch of cats. Only they probably would've been hamsters because I don't like cats, but that also would've been even creepier. *shudder*
Ok. That's enough yelling for now. You people know the drill. I can't sleep, and I got things on my mind, so I come here. These slow jams are DEFINITELY NOT HELPING either, but I don't wanna listen to anything else. So updates...the most recent guy I talked about? The one who was kinda being needy? Dropped him. Hate to be so brutal, but it's true, and you know what? He was probably worse for the wear, but afterwards, I felt much better about it, so I know it was the right thing to do. I don't know if I ever said this, but me and my dad are really close, and we talk shop about everything. He told me once to never lead a guy on, always, always be straightforward, and that stuck with me. I think it's one of those things that I'll never forget actually. See the thing is, I think guys have a much faster rebound rate than girls if you're not that deep into it yet. Not to mention, I did both of us a favor. If we're not equally or close to equally enamored with each other, then there's no point in playing games. Now he's free to find a woman who loves everything about him, and I don't feel guilty because it's not me.
This is going to sound completely out of place and insensitive after the previous paragraph, but lately I've really been feeling like I have feminine wiles, a certain power or something. To know that guys actually notice me, consider me sexy, want some kind of contact (friendship, relationship, just sex) just floors me! I have never been the "it" girl. I was always too skinny, too young, too something, but never enough. I don't know whether I had to move to a place where the mindset was different, or if this is just a part of growing up, but I'm dealing with it as it comes. I know there's a good and bad to everything, and I was always a bit jealous of the "Sexy" girls, but I felt for them too, because sometimes you don't want attention, you just want to be. I get that part too. All in all though, it mostly feels good to know that I'm growing up, and to know that unlike I thought, I won't end up with a bunch of cats. Only they probably would've been hamsters because I don't like cats, but that also would've been even creepier. *shudder*
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