Nocturnal

"Day and Night, I toss and turn keep stressin my mind, mind. I look for peace but see I don't attain...the lonely loner seems to free [her] mind at night."

I write at night, or in the wee hours of the morning. I think it's because at these hours, life slightly slows down for me, and I just get to thinking. And when I get to thinking, I get to feeling, and when I get to feeling, I get to writing. Right now I'm thinking that I just need a break, I need to slow it all down. My agenda never stops moving, but I need a break from what The Giver calls "the stirrings." Sometimes I wish it was like in that book, where you could just take a pill and make all the feelings go away. But then again, I always have disliked taking medicine. Hmph.

I'm just going to take all my feelings and tuck them away. I have to be patient, wait for the one that God is going to send me, and stop involving myself in these touch-and-go, not-too-sure, infatuation type situations. I can't go on and pretend like...I may never understand why, I'm doing the best that I can, and I...

So, as I've done for short periods before, I'm going to be platonic. And at such a peculiar time, too. I have a feeling the poems will start coming. They always do at times like these. I'm not really sad, just slightly disappointed because I can't be in control of this one. It's like I want love to rain down on me, but I'm in one of those plastic bubbles, so I can see it all around me, feel it's impact, feel the cool against the plastic, but I can't escape. Then I turn my thoughts on an angle and that bubble is protecting me, until such a time where I'm supposed to be drenched in love, feel the moisture of love rain on my skin, smell the sky, taking it all in. See what I mean about the poetry? But then again, I am listening to a bangin slow jamz playlist too.

I wonder if I'll sleep once the sun rises.