Careful What You Wish For

Honestly...I don't think I'd know what to do if I was the center of someone's attention who I really cared for. I'm so busy worrying about everyone else all the time that if someone showed me that same care, I'd probably be invalid or something...I don't even know!

I think I'm too trusting to be in love. Too honest & loyal. Too real. The world is full of bullshit, and my heels would just sink into the ground. I'm listening to music about beautiful women, by the men who love us. I'm not sure I could handle someone focusing their energies on me.

Often, I wonder if I've already met my husband. Ultimately, that's the end goal, but would I want to be married now? Hell naw. It just puzzles me how people just appear in your life! After a chance meeting, relationships blossom and people become flirters or friends or lovers or enemies...it's just curious. And so am I.

I think I'm curious to see how it would be if someone loved me the way I'm capable of loving someone else. But I'm being careful. I'm not wishing for anything, just wondering. And how do you tell a person that they haven't even begun to scratch the surafce of who you are? How do you explain that they need to shine because your light is so bright that you need them to shine too? How do you tell them that you NEED to shine because you don't know how to do anything else? How do you really express that part of the reason you shine is for them, because of them? And what do you do when they don't understand, can't deal, and they leave?

I wish the future is bright.