In the Hills

I want to take you to this place that my friend took me once. It's a creepy journey to the top of this small mountain that overlooks the city. Once you get to the top, though, it makes sense why anyone would want to make that journey in the first place.

I want to lay down a big, soft blanket, and lay on top of it, but I want to be wrapped in your essence, warmed by your touch, excited by your intellect. I want to look out at the lights of the city before I turn my attention to the light in your eyes, and then...

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be your girl. Would we argue once the thrill of the chase has subsided? Would you leave me love notes just because? Would we get voted cutest couple? Would we ever use the word love?

I don't even know how to get to that place. But I would actually google it, learn the route, and buy a blanket so that I could take you there. If I was your girl.
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And are you thinking like I am? Do you even care about ever being my man? Am I getting too caught up in the moment? Why do I always have so many unanswered questions?

It doesn't matter. LG.

In Reference to "Drafts"

I haven't written in awhile, and I'm trying to figure out exactly why. I've had plenty of things to talk about, but I think the words get stuck somewhere between my brain and my fingertips so that I can't hit the keys. Maybe it's because a few people know about this blog. Maybe it's because I'm playing a role I shouldn't be playing, and to put it here would be to admit it to myself. Not to mention, obstacles have been wieghing heavily on my mind and my heart, and to put those problems here would be to identify myself, inevitably, and I don't want to do that.

So, I guess, to make up for a lack of previous posts, and undoubtedly to prove how crazy I really am, I posted a few drafts. Still, even though I did, it's time for me to return to my {Delicious Diary}.

Drafts

I was looking back at some drafts for {DD} that I didn't knowhad saved...and they're intersting, so I decided to post them.

10/31/08 Freeflow 3

Hello, world. Happy Halloween!

This, like most freeflows, is NOT going to make any sense. Just bear with me. First of all, I love black people, espescially how they interact with each other when no one is looking, or when everyone is looking. I feel like somebody is playing with me. Looking at my life, setting up situations in it, and laughing at my bitch ass. Oh yes, God has a sense of humor. I put on a one woman show last night, whether I intended to or not. I know I was seen, because...well, I just know. And I can't believe this other sorry sapsucker was singing my muthafucking song today from my muthafucking favorite group! How dare he??!!

3/2/09 Freeflow 6

I saw true beauty in nature tonight. It was so dark, but when I made it to where I was going, the lights of the city really did take my breath away. I felt an adrenaline rush, and at that moment, I wished I had a man to share the view.

I feel like I'm moving at light speed, and as long as I am, I can't see the darkness, the lonliness that awaits me when I lay down at night, when I have the house to myself for the weekend, when I can't sleep and am scrolling through my phonebook, and most of all when it's 2:57 a.m. and I just need to write.

He's out there. And there's a reason I haven't met him yet...there's a reason why I feel so hollow right now. And I'm an independent woman, a real one, one who is self-sufficient, but also realizes that everyone needs love. I guess I'm one of those girls who "got her own".

And what's trivial about all this is that feelings compel me to write, and I hate to be repetititve, or to seem like I have a lack of subjects in my blog, but that's what this space is for. To vent, to think, to reason...and when good things happen, either they'll be so good that I'll write, or they'll be so good that I'm so busy enjoying them that I won't write.


3/24/09 In the Dark

I'm sitting in my room in the dark, and I'm just thinking. About a lot of things, but mostly love. Does it make you bi-polar? Is that acceptable in the vacuum that is love? Or am I just trippin?

I was reading some past entries in my blog, and I realized that I might be crazy. (Not for real) Do things just switch like that? I went from one interest to the next, no pause for the cause...

And what's even more is that love don't love me, right? I'm spending time, energy, and wpms on guys that haven't thought twice about me. Maybe I should think twice about this.

Maybe I shouldn't think at all.

4/1/09 Dangerous Curves Ahead

I guess I got what the fuck I asked for. I really did. I found a man who is just my speed, seems to like me as much as I like him, and I can't be completely sure, but I think we'd be a kick-ass couple.

But he's taken.

Ain't that some shit? Lol...I gotta laugh my damn self. But, I didn't specify...I think I asked for everything I wanted except for him to be single. And this one is funny because nothing about him screams dog, womanizer, abuser, none of that, but all my friends except one think I should leave him alone. And I know I should, given his relationship status, but I don't know why I'm even considering NOT leaving him alone.

Maybe I like him. Maybe I like him a lot.