Truth be told, we're all on skag. 'Cept we don't call it skag no more. Not skin popping, not none of that. But we all on something or other.
Some people actually use drugs...sometimes I wish I was that privileged, to turn to another substance to disappear from the depths of my own abyss...but I'm not. And sometimes I thank God that He has a greater purpose for me. It's not the substance, but I still get high. For some people it's the liquor, the pill, Mary Jane, sex, or a whole host of other drugs.
For me, it will always be, has always been, is right now...Love. Stupid shit. I gotta be the most down to Mars female you've ever met, but sometimes I just feel like a fucking loon...sorta like the way a junkie nods his head or smokers have red eyes, drunkards slur their words, and I, I lean into my pillow like he's the man I wish was there. It's all types of love though, not just what is it? Agape? It's the passion for what I do, for discovering who I am, for discovering who can handle, and love all of that.
It's movies and books and plenty other arts that I get lost in, just as unhealthy as anything else, my defender and my prosecutor all at once. Time will pass, and I'll wonder, "Damn, was I on that?!" But right now, I'm not clean, I'm not in rehab, and I'm not caring. I'm a user...but I can't quit anytime I want to.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Market Price
I don't think the problem is women knowing their worth. And I find it curious that men walk around screaming that...ladies, know your worth! Are you worth this? Are you worth that? I think more than half the time, we do know our worth, but men want to pay a bargain price, and we agree to haggle. Why? Most likely because we don't feel like we have any other interested buyers. And it happens to the best of us, it's like we have to learn to accept our worth - we've known it all along.
And to all the men giving us that advice, how about you step your game up and pay the right price? Everything good doesn't come at a bargain. You pay full price for that polo shit, Louis belts and admission into the club...you can't pony up for the woman who's going to ride passenger side with you until the end? Bullshit. It's all a viscious cycle. You complain about how trash women are these days, but how good could a .99 burger be??
I know my worth. So much so that it scares me sometimes, because I don't want to seem conceited, but I think I'm a cream of the crop type woman. But where am I? Down somewhere I'm not supposed to be with a man who probably won't be around for as long as he should with the work I'm putting in. I don't know where the cream of the crop men are. I'm not dumb enough to think they don't exist, because they do, just like I do, but I don't know where they are.
And everytime I interact with certain people now, a little bit of me dies inside. That glow that I was reserving for them loses some embers. When the fire is no longer lit, they'll wonder what happened, wonder why their reliable, loving north star started shooting across the sky. He'll wonder why I disappeared, but there's only one reason.
My worth is non-negotiable.
And to all the men giving us that advice, how about you step your game up and pay the right price? Everything good doesn't come at a bargain. You pay full price for that polo shit, Louis belts and admission into the club...you can't pony up for the woman who's going to ride passenger side with you until the end? Bullshit. It's all a viscious cycle. You complain about how trash women are these days, but how good could a .99 burger be??
I know my worth. So much so that it scares me sometimes, because I don't want to seem conceited, but I think I'm a cream of the crop type woman. But where am I? Down somewhere I'm not supposed to be with a man who probably won't be around for as long as he should with the work I'm putting in. I don't know where the cream of the crop men are. I'm not dumb enough to think they don't exist, because they do, just like I do, but I don't know where they are.
And everytime I interact with certain people now, a little bit of me dies inside. That glow that I was reserving for them loses some embers. When the fire is no longer lit, they'll wonder what happened, wonder why their reliable, loving north star started shooting across the sky. He'll wonder why I disappeared, but there's only one reason.
My worth is non-negotiable.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Strategize
All of 'em say play the game...but who's really strategizing?
Here's the thing...y'all ain't smart about keeping women interested anymore. The only thing you got on us is the fact that we're afraid to lose you. If we ever get over that, y'all in some serious trouble. And to be honest, the only reason y'all have that is because there's more women out there than men, so that puts y'all at a statistical advantage. "Guess there must be more good women than men percentage-wise, so her chance of having a husband just minimized." -Yeezy
Case in point - I wish this guy I'm currently talking to would be more creative, then it would be more fun. You could at least throw me a mental curveball, but since all you know is one technique, I have to keep bunting in order not to knock it out of the park every time. (Boy, wear a metaphor out, won't we?) But seriously though. Pimps are wrong in every sense of their existence, but their mind control over women is amazing. These days, y'all want to be pimps, you even try pretty hard, but the sad truth is, we women have mind control over ourselves. We do the work and you reap all the benefits. Smh.
The real problem is, you're predictable and so is the way you treat me. So the question is, why am I still dealing with you? Eh, every woman needs something to do. I choose to continue to play the game because I want to. I get benefits out of the situation too...the cons outweigh the pros, but I like to have you as an option. In order to do that though, I have to make you feel like you're the ONLY option. That's cool, haha...you silly little creatures are more insecure than we are. And to think I was really doing all this at first...trying to be a loyal and a good girl and the one you could count on! I'll be damned, we all have to learn.
As far as new toys, always do your research ladies. Check for defects and factory recalls before you play, because right now I might be playing with fire. I always did like fire, but I'll be double damned if I inadvertently wreck a home. Never neglect your research!!
Fellas, come with it! At least challenge me, because right now, I'm playing Solitaire with you.
Here's the thing...y'all ain't smart about keeping women interested anymore. The only thing you got on us is the fact that we're afraid to lose you. If we ever get over that, y'all in some serious trouble. And to be honest, the only reason y'all have that is because there's more women out there than men, so that puts y'all at a statistical advantage. "Guess there must be more good women than men percentage-wise, so her chance of having a husband just minimized." -Yeezy
Case in point - I wish this guy I'm currently talking to would be more creative, then it would be more fun. You could at least throw me a mental curveball, but since all you know is one technique, I have to keep bunting in order not to knock it out of the park every time. (Boy, wear a metaphor out, won't we?) But seriously though. Pimps are wrong in every sense of their existence, but their mind control over women is amazing. These days, y'all want to be pimps, you even try pretty hard, but the sad truth is, we women have mind control over ourselves. We do the work and you reap all the benefits. Smh.
The real problem is, you're predictable and so is the way you treat me. So the question is, why am I still dealing with you? Eh, every woman needs something to do. I choose to continue to play the game because I want to. I get benefits out of the situation too...the cons outweigh the pros, but I like to have you as an option. In order to do that though, I have to make you feel like you're the ONLY option. That's cool, haha...you silly little creatures are more insecure than we are. And to think I was really doing all this at first...trying to be a loyal and a good girl and the one you could count on! I'll be damned, we all have to learn.
As far as new toys, always do your research ladies. Check for defects and factory recalls before you play, because right now I might be playing with fire. I always did like fire, but I'll be double damned if I inadvertently wreck a home. Never neglect your research!!
Fellas, come with it! At least challenge me, because right now, I'm playing Solitaire with you.
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