P.A.S.T.

"There is only one real tragedy in a woman's life. The fact that her past is always her lover, and her future invariably her husband."

P.A.S.T. = Putting Away Special Times

The future is unknown, it is mysterious and unpredictable. The present is mediocre. It might be great, but it will never be all that because it is not the past. The past is romantic. It is full of nostalgia and wonderful memories. We can re-write the past, focus on the best parts of a memory, and no matter what we're doing, we can always go back to the past. The past will be special, because we can control the past. We can get lost in it, chose not to remember it, or use it to fuel our future.

In relationships, women attach emotions to a lot of things. We're a very nostalgic people, which explains why the past is our lover. The future is our husband because we don't know what he looks like, we don't know when he will come, but we know that inevitably, we will end up with him. Take Stephen. We don't have much history together, but my friends and I have hyped up our few moments together to the fullest. I put myself out there for him, and when he didn't respond, I buried him with the things I didn't want to rememeber. I chose, instead, to focus on those few hyped-up moments. When I see him now, I try to remember the bad things so that I won't feel for him, but the good memories just make me feel so romantic that I get caught up in the same trap every time. Evidently I like that trap. That trap is safe, and warm, and I get 3 squares a day. It's like jail - you know you're being punished, but after awhile it starts looking like a good thing. You find the positives.

I also use the past to help me create my future. The good memories will keep me company when I'm lonely, and the bad ones will remind me that being alone is better than being abused. I wonder what he remembers of us. I wonder what memories men take with them on their journey. Because invariably, for men, the present is their wife, but the future is their seductive mistress, leading them on.