was the original name of this post. But I had to delete everything I wrote...the sordid tale of me being in love with a man that I can never have. Artie from Glee and I are on the same page in the same book, we have to "focus on dreams that [we] can make come true." And although he is a beautiful dream, the reality is a nightmare that tortures me in my sleep when he is not here to hold me. Damnit, I'm good at romanticizing shit! Lol
The point is, everything is compromised. Even though a handful of people either know or have guessed who I am, I may never reveal my government name. I can never even reveal too much of the story. Here, in this cyber space where I'm supposed to be able to say ANY and EVERY thing, I can't. In my poem book, where I want to spill it all, I can't. To my friends, who mostly have a shoulder to lend and an ear for me to bend, I simply can't tell it all. Everything is compromised. So I must learn to hold the weight that bears down on me like an ACME anvil, I must learn to hide behind my smile, which has always been genuine. I must learn to be alone sometimes.
But I'd rather be in love.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
"I must learn to be alone sometimes.
But I'd rather be in love."
I OVERstand you on this point, DD. I'd rather be in love than be alone, too. What I'm starting to realize, though, (or at least, what my new theory is) is that in order to get there, you have to let go of all the facades and the things you're hiding behind. I think there's always a judgment we'd like to avoid or an air of mystery we'd like to have, because that's what makes the other person curious about and, consequently, attracted to us.
But sometimes I wonder, as I hide behind my smile, as I keep my own feelings at bay, I wonder if I'm missing out by trying to protect myself. Maybe one day, soon, someone will come along who presents the perfect opportunity for me to test the theory.
Post a Comment