Obsessed

"I'm trying to forget that I'm addicted to you...but I want it, and I need it, I'm addicted to you!"

Okay, so I have completely solidified my theory that you have to have a new obsession in order to get over a current/old one. Case in point - me. I forgot all the names I assigned to people on here, and I'm too lazy to go look, so...I had this guy in my head, almost in my heart, couldn't stop thinking about him. We ended up miles apart, worlds apart, but I couldn't get him out of my head, like the songs, for real! I knew there was no future there, but the thoughts wouldn't stop flowing. I recently started dating (I guess) someone closer to me, someone with whom a future is still not possible (by my prediciton) but being around someone else, makes me forget about guy #1. Now I can't lie, I still think about him sometimes, but it doesn't seem as crucial.

It is such a for lack of a better word, bad feeling to want something you can't have. Inaccessibility leads to infatuation, which leads all kinds of ways. But this new guy...

I don't see it happening. I mean, I'm honest here, so don't be surprised at my picky-ness. He has a kid, and not everybody with a kid is a drawback, but I'd really rather he didn't. Not to mention a kid means a baby mama. Not for me. He seems cool, he's like level 7.5 out of 10 cute (former guy was level 8) he likes to laugh. But he's particular about his things, which is ok, but some people are like anal about their stuff - *twisted face* get over it. I don't want people messing up my stuff either, but there's a point where that just become ridiculous. But he was so sweet, very gentleman-like too. He thought some stuff was funny that I didn't, which is always slightly awkward, but all in all, I'd give our first date a 6.

Here's the thing tho - I'm not obsessed with him. Which is a good thing. It makes any other infatuation I have a lot less important, but at the same time, I'm not wrapped up in him now. He actually surprised me, because he thinks I'm beautiful, *sexy*, yes, I just said sexy, and from one date he deduced that I have a good heart, lol. Know I know some of that is game, yes, it sure is, but even so, it feels wonderful to have someone notice. I'm being careful not to create a fantasy out of it, but still, it's nice. I've never been noticed like this before. Oh yeah, it seems from this blog that I have a lot of action, but I really don't. No relationships. Ever. 3 guys I had a crush on or interest in the last 8 or 9 years, and maybe a few I shamelessly flirt with. 1 guy who returned the interest, and by golly, I didn't even notice!!

Basically, I'm gonna have to brush up, no, LEARN how to do this. How to date, how to know that someone besides me thinks I'm sexy, yes, I said sexy again, the game of relationships if I ever get in one, and how to enjoy the single life. Even sexual issues, gotta make sure all that is right. Theory is one thing, practice is another.

But I know one thing, if I was Beyonce, I still would've stomped that girl with my stiletto. Just sayin'.