This weekend was a blast!! Me and the girls (and Jose) had sooooo much fun. That being said, I saw him, and I did something crazy and stupid. I had been working, and succeeding at not contacting him, and last night months of work came crashing down...not to mention, the "L" word was used in a way that it probably, definitely shouldn't have been. No, oh no, I know what you're thinking, but I didn't tell him I loved him, nooooo. I just simply expressed that I didn't love him anymore. Dumb. Profoundly dumb. But, it wasn't just me talking, it was me and the liquor. And anyone who says a drunk mind speaks sober thoughts is just trying to blame it on the alcohol.
To make matters worse, I poured salt into the wound by texting him later the next day. He didn't answer. And now, when I could have handled everything completely different, I lost my composure, sent mixed signals, ruined all my ignoring him, and my feelings are still there, in the middle of the artic with a bikini on, cold and lonely. But in a way, that's what I get. I know how to handle this man, but I just keep making myslef vulnerable. And part of me doesn't even believe that. But the other part of me knows that as a woman, I have the power and the smarts to strategically handle this situation. But that's just it. I don't want to handle him. I don't want to play games, but everytime I get the courage to be honest, to quit being so dumb, I like to Mike Jordan him, and get right back in the game.
I feel like Carrie and Mr. Big, and that's a funny, scary, has-too-many-implications-to-analyze-right-now-thought.
Damn.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment