Missing people is a funny thing. A lot of people get sad about missing someone that they care for, but most of the people that I know get mad. I mean really outraged. And what’s so crazy about it is that they can justify their feelings and actions. One friend of mine spewed profanity that I had never heard matched together before when his granny got sick, and he wasn’t cursing about her, he was cursing at her! My own family has been missing me because we are not as close as we used to be, so instead if getting all mushy and telling me they miss me, they find ways to fight with me. I recently visited them, and they were so angry that I hadn’t been home sooner that they took to ignoring me. Nuts. When I told them I was leaving the next day, they immediately fussed at me! So now I was confused. They wanted me there, but they wanted to be mad at me, but they didn’t want me to leave…nuts. Missing people is a funny thing, I tell you.
I miss one of my very best friends who is not with me anymore. I find myself scribbling his name on scraps of paper at the most random times. Certain things that happen, certain smells, certain places, remind me of him. I’m truly pissed at him too. I don’t understand why he’s not here with me. I can’t process it in my brain…he was always there, and then he wasn’t. True, we took each other for granted, and if he was here right now, we’d probably still be having a contest to see who would call first (he always won), but now that he’s not here…I don’t know. And yes, I’m mad at him. It’s his fault. Totally. Damnit, I know he couldn’t control what happened to him, and no one chooses not to be here anymore, but he’s gone, and I don’t have anyone else to blame. I miss him.
And one of the worst ways to miss people is when they’re within your reach. Seeing someone go on without you when they were always with you before should be considered cruel and unusual punishment. And usually you don’t get an explanation as to why things change, they just do. And it sucks, and you question yourself, and you question your past, and ultimately you end up mad at that person. Denise and Robert were always together. Now you never see them in the same place at the same time, and if you do, Denise is being so mean and inconsistent that it confuses Robert, almost scares him. But she misses him, and she doesn’t know how else to react. Missing people is a curious feeling, especially when they’re right in front of you.
Missing people altogether is a funny thing.
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