Freeflow 4

"Pain is love."

I guess so, because it really hurts when you have feelings for someone and they just don't feel the same way. I used to be able to complain about it, and I could be the victim all I wanted to, but no more. I have to apolgize to the young man that I hurt, that I am continually hurting, because I don't feel the way about him that he does about me. And it hurts because I am hurting him, and it hurts because the same way he feels about me, I feel about someone else. Remember that scene in the Wedding Planner where Mary is explaining to Mossimo about love and he says, "You long for him the way I long for you"? It feels just like that. On the one hand, I feel betrayed by love every time I think about how I accepted the treatment of an asshole because I liked him so much. On the other hand, I realize that I'm an asshole to someone else, so that takes the drama away from being abused by love.

I feel pain for the one that I like who doesn't like me back, I feel pain for the one that likes me, I'm just getting it on all sides. And I keep telling myself I'm not a bad person, I just don't reciprocate his feelings. Sometimes he gets on my nerves, and I wish he would just stop trying. There's nothing wrong with him except for the fact that I don't want him. Perfectly fine man, just not for me. Then I stop being mean because I realize that someone else could possibly think of me that way. Love hurts.